My Dog Yawns When He Feels Awkward

What an awesome way to introduce myself. It’s attention-grabbing and it’s a true story. When my dog- Mac- thinks we’re laughing at something he does or knows we’re talking about him, he doesn’t know how to react so he just yawns. This is a genius strategy because I often find myself in awkward predicaments where I don’t know what to say or do, so now I just yawn. Imagine me yawning right now.

One of my biggest pet peeves are people who talk a lot about what they want to do, but then they never do anything productive or proactive to get there. Of course, I’ve been hypocritical and guilty of doing just that in putting off starting this blog. As a writer in this time, it’s clear that I need to write a blog, so even if only one person ever reads this, then I guess I will have succeeded in some way…?

In less than two months, I’ll be graduating from college, a terrifying thing because I don’t have a job or a clue about what I want to do right after graduation. My ultimate goal is to move to LA and write for television, but as I am just finishing up school, I need to figure out a few things before I get there. One could argue that this is me being hypocritical again, but I’m not procrastinating so much as preparing. If we’re getting technical, that means I’m a logical, practical, and intelligent human being.

Truth be told, I would like to be a princess, but it seems I was born in the wrong era and the wrong country. That doesn’t mean that I can’t wear a tiara whenever I want though, despite people suggesting that I am too old for such a childish act. For instance, I like to be honored (especially for actual achievements) so for my graduation party, I want a tiara as a present. I don’t mean an expensive one, just not the fake plastic kind. And I will wear it at the party, not the actual graduation, and in future moments of excellence. People seem to find this idea ridiculous but I don’t understand any of their invalid arguments. If I want to wear a tiara, I can wear a tiara. End. Of. Story.

I also happen to be slightly overdramatic and start many stories with “Oh my God I almost just died…” when there was probably not a real threat of death. Usually this includes me falling over, tripping, or running across the street and having the cars stare at me in a threatening, ominous way. My anxiety makes me overanalyze a lot of things and my friends tend to make things worse (especially my roommate) by giving me shit for it, but it does usually turn out to be funny in the end. Laughing at the moment does not help though, assholes!

Television, movies, books, and baseball are my passions. I will write a lot about my favorite things, mainly a lot of TV shows, Star Wars, Harry Potter, and the Red Sox. Fair warning so now you can’t complain if I talk a lot about them in the future.

Also, I’ve recently lost 82 pounds (and counting). This is great and all and I really do feel better and blah blah, but no one warned me how awkward it is trying to get accustomed to a new body. Like really, I look in the mirror and some days I’m like “damn, I’m good” and other days I feel like nothing has changed at all. I know this is a psychological issue everyone faces every single day, but I guess I’ve always been under the presumption that if you weren’t overweight then you didn’t face these issues. Very ignorant of me, yes I admit to it now. But I also used to believe, albeit never seriously, that I’d wake up one morning in tip-top shape, meet my prince charming, and be really really famous without ever having to do anything. Denial is one hell of a sucker punch. Having done it now, I think that my pet peeve is relevant and acceptable for me to take on as my pet peeve!

Hard work really does pay off though, so I’d like to share some tidbits of my ongoing challenge as we progress. Nothing fancy here, I’ll warn you. Just a lot of working hard, eating right, but being very balanced about it all. For one thing, I love chocolate and if someone ever tries to take it away from me, I am likely to bite their hand off. And another, I don’t believe in depriving oneself. If you want something, have it, but do it in moderation. It works! I promise!

I mentioned my dog, but I also have a really cute cat named Bandit who is kind of like my pride and joy, but he only tolerates my existence. My parents are completely normal and so are my two siblings. I can only blame my “un-normalness” on the fact that I am the middle child and am constantly demanding attention. When I told her I wanted to start a blog, my older sister told me that it was an excellent idea because I have a very funny way of looking at the world. Earlier, I accepted this as a compliment, but looking back as I type this out I’m wondering if she didn’t mean funny as in kind of humorous but also strange. I’m choosing not to be insulted.

For now, I think this is good enough. Everything on here will be a random assortment of my ramblings and confessions, but I find them funny so maybe you will too.

Welcome to these glimpses of my life!