I’m Not Paranoid, But…

I’m not saying I’m paranoid, but if you have a Mac (or a computer in general), then you’ve probably noticed the little green light near the camera lens glow when you haven’t turned on the camera. I’d taken to ignoring it in the past, but then I was babysitting my neighbor and she had a piece of tape over hers and I had to ask about it. It’s a precaution that is unfortunate and not altogether overcautious considering this world in which we live. Regardless of whether it’s necessary, the tape that now graces my screen makes me feel just a bit better. Let’s not be creepy, people!

I’m ashamed to admit that it didn’t take long for me to forget to snap a photo of my meals before I eat. The only meal I have to show you in the past 24 hours is this one from dinner. Chicken stir fry chock full of vibrant veggies and brown rice.


It is a thing of wonder.

My workout yesterday consisted of strength training that hit my triceps, chest, and legs. Lately, I’ve been doing four exercises for each part of the body and three sets of fifteen reps each. It creates a good burn, but a burn nonetheless. Since focusing more on endurance, I’ve noticed that I’ve still been able to go up in weight, which is satisfying. After the strength portion, I focused on some core work before hopping on a bike for some Tabata sprints.

Other than exercising, writing, and working, I’ve been watching Chelsea Handler’s new docu-series on Netflix, Chelsea Does, and thus far, I’ve loved it. I’ve always found her funny- i.e. when I met her at a book signing and she signed my book “Caitlin sucks eggs, Love Chelsea.”- and I watched Chelsea Lately a ton, but this new series has a serious and poignant edge to it that raises a lot of good questions and portrays interesting perspectives to difficult or not well-known topics. I’ll go more in-depth once I finish the series, but I highly recommend it and I am looking forward to her new series debuting!

As to how I’m doing, I can admit that the pain isn’t as fresh, but I’m not healed. There’s a sorrowful glow that sits in my stomach. This morning, the blankets had bunched up around my legs and it reminded me of when he would curl up on my bed and later, I heard a noise that sounded like the thud Bandit would make when he jumped up on my desk. Then I remember what happened and it hits me all over again.

Yet, we keep on going because living our lives is a wondrous thing.

The Thong Song

Welcome back! I hope everyone had a wonderful holiday and are still feeling good vibes heading into the new year. I for one had a wonderful time, but I’m ready to get back into the groove of solid routine, especially in terms of food. Too many tempting sweets!

Let’s get right back into it!

Yesterday, after Yoga and a brief, but sweaty run, my friend Katie came over for brunch. I’m always saying I make better breakfast/brunch than restaurants, so I needed to prove myself. A ham and cheese omelet, toast, and a side of spinach and peppers was a solid force.


I worked for much of the day, so lunch was a quick bite of leftovers and dinner was Chinese food while watching the first Star Wars with my family. Side note, there is this game Fibbage you play on your phones and over some kind of video game device and it’s hilarious. I recommend it for New Years’ shenanigans.

This morning, I made myself a warm bowl of oats. Haven’t had this one in awhile! I was missing the mashed banana as grocery shopping still needed to be done, but it was an excellent breakfast.


After a short shift at work, I fit in a workout with my friend Nouha. The focus was on triceps, shoulders, and legs, followed up with some core. We ran out of time on the cardio front, but it was still a good sweat!

My post-workout lunch included eggs, toast, veggies, and fruit.


I really am on a huge egg kick lately, but I’m trying to back off on those waffles! Can’t go wrong with eggs breakfast, lunch, or dinner.

Some random things to note.

I forgot how comfortable boots are! They’re like cushions for my feet. I’m not pleased that the reason I pulled them out of the closet was due to a pending snow-something (I won’t say storm), but my feet are happy in their ignorant bliss.


In an this-would-happen-to-me-scenario, a few days ago, Facebook wanted me to share a “special memory” that occurred 8 years ago. I don’t know why they thought this one should be re-posted, especially because they only prompt such a thing once every few weeks, but I had to screenshot it and share the oddness.


That is a thong…lying on the ground at a tourist site in some European country my sister visited 8 years ago and I tagged myself in to be funny. I really hope someone took the time to do this, but it’s probably just the computer being random. (OR, computers are gaining senses of humor/irony, which means we’re all pretty much screwed.

Anyone else have the Thong Song stuck in their heads now?


I Sound Like Adele (When I Sing in the Shower)

If there’s one thing I regret from my time in the womb, it’s not honing my singing voice more. Okay, I know that’s not how things work, but wouldn’t it be kind of cool? If our strengths and weaknesses were based off of training we did before we were born. You know what? This conversation is getting wacky. The point is…

When I sing in the shower, I sound just like Adele, I’m sure of it. There is something about the acoustics in the shower- I’m sure it’s a thing- that allows you to hit all the right notes. I think it must have something to do with the hot water opening up your throat to reach new depths. I’m also talking out of my ass right now. Oddly enough, when I sing in my head, I nail the vocals too. Maybe I just have a strange perception of myself.

What you should take from this conversation is that if I could sing, I would be the biggest music star in the world right now and you all would be weeping at my feet due to my tender, agonizing words and haunting melodies. Semantics.

Another wonder of the world is the missing sock. I am particular when it comes to running, in regards to what I wear, eat and drink before, and time of day. I take a lot of precision when it comes to my runs, in a weird superstitious kind of way, because I live in fear of having to suffer through it. One thing I love are my Saucony striped socks that I wear religiously when I exercise. There are no socks like it that offer the comfort, without the bulkiness, I need.

I also live in fear of losing one of these socks because I couldn’t bear it if I had to throw the lone sock left behind. It’s already happened once, but last night, I thought my pink striped sock fell victim and I was devastated.


I did a little digging and found it sitting cold, wet, and afraid in the washing machine. Phew.


For the record, I wore these socks on my run outside- it was SO nice out!- and I rocked it. Message proven.

This was a strange little post.


I’m Onto You, Suzanne Summers

I had a dream two nights ago that Suzanne Summers was stalking me, so you better believe I’ve been checking over my shoulder whenever I leave the house. We were cool Ms. Summers, don’t pull a Liza on me.* In the dream, we were participating in a Hunger Games-esque event, except it had nothing to do with death. If I remember correctly, then if Suzanne “tagged” me, then I had to go live outside in nature. This all seemed very plausible in my dream, but now makes no sense at all.

*If you forgot that Liza Minelli stalks me, then lucky you. It’s a thing. I’m sure I’ve written posts about it before. She’s remained stagnant as of late. Let’s not jinx that.

Anyways….is anyone else slightly alarmed that it’s already October 21? I’m sorry, but I thought it was still July of 2012. Time is flying! I better step up my studying because my test date is approaching.

Here are some eats from the past few days we’ve been away from each other.

Scenes from my dad’s birthday dinner Act I. Act II actually doesn’t have a picture, but my family went out and it was fun, happy, and delicious.


A very interesting looking meal with waffles, scrambled eggs with a chicken sausage, and a big bowl of berries. My breakfasts are often big meals because they fuel me for my workouts and because it’s the best meal of the day.


This stir fry was impressive. Steak, zucchini, peppers, mushrooms, and spinach over rice with ginger sesame dressing drizzled on top.


Peanut butter toast can do no wrong.


Grilled tilapia, broccoli, zucchini, peppers, and rotini. Yum!


This morning’s plate of cakes. I can’t get enough of these!


Workouts the past few days included grueling strength training sessions, lap swims, spin classes, long runs (slightly painful thanks to new shoes which I’ll debut tomorrow!), and core workouts that left me with sore abs whenever I sneeze (I sneeze a lot, ouch!).

In other news, I hung out with my family a lot this weekend which is always good for laughs and fun, enjoyed the nice weather with a few walks outside, cleaned and prepared for fall/winter (still more to do, ugh!), worked (it’s a blessing to love what I do), and lost a few years of my life trying to buy Star Wars tickets. For whatever reason, they are starting to premiere the new film BEFORE midnight, so my friend Stephanie and I have our tickets for 11:50. We like to stick to the idea of premiering a  movie at midnight, but in this situation, beggars really can’t be choosers. It is very exciting though and we are now two months away!

I can’t get over this picture:


I also bought another decal for my computer. I like the subtlety of my Harry Potter one that fits right over the apple on the Mac, and I thought I was continuing this trend when I bought this new one. Not so much. It’s huge! I had to cut it.


I think my nerd is showing just a bit.

Also, my coffee mug looks super creepy in that picture and it was unintentional!

Happy Wednesday!

I Pulled A Stale Pretzel Out of My Purse and Ate It

The title speaks the truth. It’s weird because I don’t even eat pretzels all that much. If I want some salt, my preferred choice would be tostitos or cheezits. I think people were eating pretzels at work the other day, so one must have fallen into my bag. That is no excuse as for why I would have popped it into my mouth, but it was more of a gut reaction than anything. I think the heat is getting to me.

You can see I am a true foodie…

After breakfast yesterday, I took some time to get organized. I have a bunch of cover letters and resumes saved from last summer’s job search that I definitely don’t need anymore, so I cleared them all out among other files I don’t need. To clean my room, I folded and put away laundry and tidied up my desk.

By the time I finished cleaning, I was ready for a workout. It was super cold in the water when I first dove in, but it felt nice and refreshing, especially as I got moving. I swam a mile and some change before calling it for the day.

I needed to pick up some groceries, so I helped myself to the Whole Foods salad/hot bar. I don’t know what it is about the way they cook their vegetables, but they are so good! I love the mushrooms, zucchini, and peppers in particular. Whenever I try to grill them over the pan, they come out mushy. Maybe I use too much oil. I stacked my bowl with veggies and tossed in a scoop of the creamy macaroni and cheese and a chicken finger.


Before work, I fit in some quality studying time. As an English major in undergrad and an Education major for my master’s, I didn’t do a ton of studying in the sense I am now. Whatever studying I did do focused a lot on memorizing, but there is so much information on the test and I don’t think that’s the best method. Plus, the information I am trying to learn is not just for the test, it’s for my livelihood. I’m used to reading, analyzing, and dissecting passages into essays, so I’m struggling a bit to find my best methods. Yesterday, I tried a new strategy that seems to be going better than what I was doing before.

Last night, I also spent a great deal of time writing. It’s been difficult lately because I have so many ideas floating around in my head that I can’t focus on just one. I’m afraid if I don’t write every idea and all that comes with it down, then I’ll lose the thought. I need to be better focused on one idea so the writing actually gets done! Here’s a little product of my procrastination of studying and writing last night.


As I said in my instagram post: Not all art is beautiful, but there is beauty in all art. I just like to write in cursive and draw with crayons.

Dinner included grilled turkey tips, zucchini with marinara and a little parmesan, and spinach rice. Sorry about the lack of picture. I got home late and guzzled it down!

This morning, it was hot again and though I had an interest in some pancakes, that egg/waffle combination got to me first. Less exertion in the end! I cracked two eggs into the pan, swished them around with a pat of butter, and scrambled them into what I feel are perfect eggs. A sprinkle of cheese on top with some salt and pepper added to the perfection. Along with two crispy, buttery waffles, I found solace in having fresh berries again with strawberries, raspberries, and blueberries added to half of a chopped banana.


I know I need to start making my own waffles in my waffle maker, but convenience is just easier sometimes, especially when it’s hot! I’ll be in the market for some new recipes.

Enjoy your Wednesday!

We Laugh Because Otherwise We’d Cry- And That’s Just Sad

Does anyone ever watch a person walking, living, or breathing, and wonder how that person appears so simple and fluid and then wonder where exactly you went wrong?

 This occurs to me all the time.

 I’m in this constant state of trying to make myself less complicated because life in general creates all these complications and weird little awkward moments in life that is out of our control.

 For example, yesterday I’m in New York walking around while my friend Bobby worked and I enjoy my (hopefully) brief state of unemployment/finishing up this graduate program/vacation. I walked to and from his work to meet up for lunch, then wandered into a park and sat, wrote, and reflected for awhile just enjoying the sun. Then I decide to go to Barnes and Noble and browse, but I can’t just execute this plan. I have to spend my relaxing time checking my phone, trying to figure out how long I can stay in the park “relaxing” so that I can “enjoy” my time in the store before heading back to get ready for the concert.

 When I do decide to get up and go to Barnes and Noble, the store is huge, which is wonderful and bewildering all at once. I don’t even know where to start and then I’m wondering why I can’t just browse like I wanted in the first place.

 I make it back towards the apartment and I stop at Duane Reade because I’m hungry and thirsty, but I have to pee. I can’t decide what I want to snack on, but at the same time I have to hurry because of my pressing need, and there I just kind of stand in the middle of the store crossing my legs and bending sideways and everyways, looking like an idiot because I’m so indecisive.

 Even my sleep-like state tortures me as I dream about something that is approaching and making me anxious and nervous, so I wake up shaking and dizzy from exhaustion. When I get myself up and make it to where I need to catch my bus home, I’m back at Duane Reade trying to decide if I want to get M&Ms for the bus ride, which of course I do, but then I can never quite implement the actual plan without some sort of mental obstacle.

 Perhaps this is a tendency all young people, or people in general feel, but don’t quite show. Maybe it’s a result of my anxiety that I can mostly handle, but reveals itself in these little moments. Or maybe I just pay too damn close attention to parts of me that other people shrug off and ignore.

 I don’t like to compare myself to people because I don’t think that’s a productive way to live. Sure, I admire certain people for aspects of themselves that are inspiring. Everyone does and I think that’s important. But it’s times like when I’m in the middle of a store, trying to control my bladder (which thankfully, I’ve long since mastered) bent over and in agony, pushed over by someone who walks down the right aisle to grab the snack they know they want, that I wonder if other people feel like this.

Then I go to a concert to see this esteemed theater actress perform and she has a brief, potentially embarrassing wardrobe malfunction, which you can tell somewhat throws her off, but she still runs with it and laughs about it. Maybe that’s because she’s surrounded by a crowd of supportive, adoring fans cheering when she breathes a certain way.

 Maybe it’s because we’re all navigating this wacky world with our overwhelming minds together.

 Or maybe- probably- I’m just overthinking it.

 Let’s just all laugh together.