Breathe

“The hardest thing to do in this world is to live in it.” (Buffy the Vampire Slayer) 

These past two weeks have been bordering on terrible, with a few good things sprinkled over, but thus has been 2016. It’s an actual thing, people hating on 2016. There’s been a lot of major celebrity deaths, bad political happenings, and a general consensus of unhappiness.

Seventeen days into 2016, I lost my beloved cat. A few months later, I lost my aunt and one of my best friends in the world. I also became a personal trainer and moved across the country. I made new friends, tackled challenges head on, took off on adventures, and made memories with family. I’m still living and breathing and pursuing dreams. This year, I learned the true depth of a human’s ability to adapt. I am both proud and sad considering this revelation. Do we adapt because of our strength or because, in time, we forget?

There is not happiness without sadness, joy without anger, or relief without fear. Nothing is more challenging or damaging than forgetting the specialness of life, but mundanity and exhaustion are very real.

I keep waiting to snap out of my funk, to get out of my own way, and to be given a break. And I’ve got an amazing life. Being so far away from my people does not help.  I’m learning, adapting, and delving into my own strength, and those shared by loved ones, and beginning to understand that life doesn’t care who you are or what you need. Life is one big trial and error experiment and I’m realizing my failures are just as, if not more, important than my successes. Instead of feeling bad for myself and moping, I’m persevering. Some days are harder, or easier, than others.

“But you know, happiness can be found even in the darkest of times, if one only remembers to turn on the light.”(Harry Potter).

Two Days!

Pretty soon, I’ll be off on my adventure and I hope to share with you all as I go through it. I’m now two days out from my big adventure and there’s a million different feelings and thoughts circling my head. Change is big and scary and necessary, and not in the least easy. These past few months have been a whirlwind of preparations intermingled with the usual workdays and summer happenings. Especially in these past few days, I’ve spent a lot of time with family and friends, not exactly saying ‘goodbye’, but more ‘see you at Christmas,’ but it’s still weird.

Many people have asked me if this move is “it,” meaning I’m not coming back. I understand the sentiment, but I don’t think there’s ever a way of knowing if anything is  “it.” What I’m telling people is that I’m going on an adventure. It’s as temporary as it is permanent, which sums up everything we do in life. I’m going for a multitude of reasons, number one being that I want to write for TV. I will never feel settled in anything that I do professionally until I give this a shot. It’s my dream.

As my mom said, when I mentioned it was hard that my dreams were taking me far away: “That’s the point of dreams, you have to chase them.” People may think I have a glamorous view of moving to Hollywood and pursuing my dreams. They’re not wrong because it’s hard not to envision this complete change of life, with a lot of fear, but much more hope, thinking that things might just fall into place, but I also have no delusions that this journey will be easy. That’s what makes up a journey, struggles and triumphs. The whole “blood, sweat, and tears” trope is very real. I don’t know if I will succeed as a writer in a place where there are thousands of people doing the same exact thing, but I have to believe in myself and my talent, and give it my all. At the very worst, I will have tried, learned invaluable lessons, and lived.

I’m entirely fortunate to have the very best family and friends to support me through it.

Oprah, I Miss You, Girl

This post is inspired by my thinking it would be funny if I posted about how I miss Oprah. While watching one of my shows, Oprah’s new Weight Watchers commercial kept popping up, so it inspired me. I mean, we really haven’t heard from her in awhile. But as the idea formulated in my mind, something stuck. Here is Oprah, one of the wealthiest, most popular people ever, struggling to lose weight. She has been her entire life. That means that this person suffers with body issues, insecurities, cravings, not wanting to exercise, and so much more that we all do too. It’s a natural phenomenon no matter how much money, time, and power you have. Her struggle, like our struggle, is real.

That’s important.

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What does this mean for us mere mortals? We’re doing the best that we can with all that we’ve got. Sometimes that’s just enough, more than enough, or not quite enough. And that’s okay.

Remember, every day is a new day, but also, every day is an important one. As long as we keep breathing, we keep living, and so life happens. There will be tasty morsels that sometimes we will forgo to have the veggie sticks instead, but sometimes, we’ll just want to have the damn chocolate cake (or in my case bowl of ice cream). Moderation. We will kick our own asses lifting our heaviest weights or running our fastest mile, or sometimes, we won’t find it in us to move our asses off the couch because Netflix keeps playing. Moderation. Motivation, inspiration, and mindfulness will guide our every movements and creativity and effort, or sometimes, it’s just enough that we get out of bed and through the motions. Moderation.

I think we get the point.

Oprah is on Weight Watchers because she wants to lose weight for whatever reason. Right now, she’s having success, but she’s had her failures too. So you, and me, without the fame, fortune, and power at our fingertips and without the ability to make $12 million from claiming we lost weight while still eating bread (because hey! I actually lost 100 pounds doing that too and kept it off), we’re doing just fine as we are. Forgiveness and moderation is a powerful thing. Let’s keep at it by embracing this world and ourselves for all that we are.

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