Princesses Reunite

I’ve not blogged on this Royal Baby yet, mostly because I’ve been lazy, but also because I’m devastated. Don’t get me wrong, Baby George is as cute as his name is hilarious. But as a fellow princess at heart, a part of me is sad that there won’t be any Princess Caitlins taking the throne. Or at the very least Princess Georgia. Or Princess Beyonce, which would be much more fitting.

 Or if there has to be a George, let there also be a Fred. This is England after all.

 The worst part is that we all know Charles and William will never be able to live up to the wonder that is Queen Elizabeth. She is a bad ass. I mean, she can tell you exactly how she’s feeling and what she thinks of you in one look. I’ve tried to do that, but most times it looks like I’m constipated.I can’t even raise an eyebrow. Trust me, I’ve tried. And for the record, my lack of talent is not only because you can barely see my eyebrows. And Queen Bethie is just so short and cute that you kind of just want to pick her up and put her in your pocket. My friend Katja bought me this life-size statuette of her waving when the sun hits her. It’s my pride and joy.

Image

 I would stick her in my garden only I’ve just thought of this and also I don’t want her to get dirty. Or for the turkey to get her. Though as long as I was able to see this and capture a photo, I think it would be too funny an image to be mad.I also love that she is wearing the yellow jumpsuit that people said made her look like Big Bird because Big Bird wishes he was that cool and/or British. I know I sure do!

 You know she was holding out for that baby being a girl too. She doesn’t want Charles and now William is balding, so she thought her best bet would be this little baby girl princess, but that planned failed.

 My only wish is that, if Queen Elizabeth ever does die, that the death would coincide with the birth of my future daughter, so that she reincarnates as my baby. I’d dress her up in all pink and fluff and she’d glare at me in the way she does best and we’d wear matching tiaras and take selfies all day with #princessandmommytime.

 It might not be a big dream, or even a realistic dream, but it is my dream. And I own it.

 P.S. I may or may not have broken my middle finger after dropping a 60lb weight on it, depending on if you feel sympathy or find it hilarious.

If Voldemort and Mary Poppins Had A Baby My Mind Would Explode

Because I’m just so timely, let’s talk the Olympics. Oh, sorry, the 2012 LONDON Olympics.

LONDON LONDON LONDON LONDON LONDON LONDON LONDON LONDON!!!

Usually I do enjoy myself the summer Olympics, especially swimming and gymnastics, but this year it is in LONDON! Have you heard that?? It’s like, my favorite culture ever. Because they have THE Queen, Prince Harry, JK Rowling, Hogwarts, Shakespeare, tea and scones, and British accents. I mean, America is awesome in its own right, don’t get me wrong, but there is just something about the English culture that makes me so excited I can’t stop talking. Just ask my mom, she seems to think I’ve been cutting into her “relaxation time” just because I wanted to show her funny videos of Twilight fans reacting to the affair….

Anyways, London. Top three things I’m excited for:

1. The Royal Family. Obama is awesome, but in this country we lack the figure heads who represent our country without having to muddle things up with politics. I suppose that Hillary Clinton is kind of like our Queen (HILLARY ’16!) and Oprah wants to be. Side note: WHAT HAPPENED TO OPRAH? WHY HAS SHE BEEN SO QUIET? I’m going to start what’s probably a rumor and completely false but perhaps a bit wishful thinking: Oprah is going to be Obama’s running mate. HAHA, I wish, but that’s why she’s been so quiet. Anyways, back to the Queen who is so adorable and precious that I am sure she can pack a whollop if she wants to.

Personal story about the Queen (Kind of personal story about the Queen) [Story heard from a cab driver in London about the Queen who heard the story on the news] When my family and I visited my sister in Oxford a few years ago, we also went to London and one of our cab drivers told us the following story. They had to tighten up security at Buckingham Palace because a random man hopped the fence and invited himself for tea in the Queen’s private chambers (of secrets). Only problem is, it was morning and the Queen was sleeping. Imagine the tiny, adorable, bad ass queen snoozing away in her big ass bed, waking up to find this man sitting in a chair by her bed….watching her sleep… And you know how she reacted? She treated him like a guest and ordered some tea while secretly informing security and graciously kicking his ass out of the palace. Um… if this had happened to me, and I am part royalty according to myself, I wouldn’t be alive because I would have either had a heart attack, scared myself to death, or rolled off the bed. Who else can be that classy???

Also, there’s just something about William and Kate that is adorable. And Prince Harry, my future husband! Seriously, gingers in Britain give gingers in America a bad rap. More proof? Ron Weasley and the entire Weasley family. I have it all worked out though, if I marry Harry, I would be a princess but not have to worry as much as the future queen. BOOM. Crown me.

I don’t even mind Charles and Camilla that’s how much I love the royal family!!

There is a video of me from over a year ago my friend has of me standing outside Buckingham Palace. No, I did not hop the fence, but being so adventurous, I did something almost as equally (not at all) risky. I, Princess Caitlin, stuck my hand through the poles of the gate of Buckingham Palace. I’m not kidding. Wow. I know. The security people were scary FYI, as they should be after reading the above story! And for the record, although I was obsessed with screaming out “HELEN MIRREN” throughout the entire trip, I have not actually seen the film the Queen as my friend Erin cannot comprehend.

2. I read a headline that said something like, “GIANT MARY POPPINS TO BANISH GIANT LORD VOLDEMORT DURING OPENING CEREMONY!”

Julie Andrews, who is another one of my favorite people on a list that includes a high number of British people: Jo Rowling, Maggie Smith, Michael Caine, etc.., taking down Voldemort. I just. I can’t handle it. I will probably cry. And maybe Jo will even be there with the torch or something…rumor is the Queen is going to light it. Um….
They are doing a special tribute to the lustrous literary British world and this would be part of it. I don’t even know what to say about it, mostly because my mind’s imagination probably cannot envision how glorious the actual thing will be. And trust, I am envisioning glory.

3. Ryan Lochte (and the actual games).

Michael Phelps, you are awesome, but Lochte is adorable. No, I shouldn’t play favorites because they’re both Team USA. No, I shouldn’t base my favorites off of looks and/or personality. But I don’t care because hot damn, I love me some Ryan Lochte.

Good luck to every single athlete involved in every single country involved in the Olympics! Amazing people showing how amazing one’s body can be!

Another side note: If any legitimate person/company/business/etc is looking for a writer or blogger, or wants to pay me to write this blog, please do so because I’ll need a new job soon and I think I have a voice that will extend to the people!