living in the moment

On Fridays, I usually post a collection of food pictures for the week, but I didn’t take any. This week was all about living in the moment.

I’m popping in today to wish you all a wonderful weekend, to thank you for reading, and to promote the wisdom and wonderfulness of staying in the moment.

Why? Because it’s an important thing to remember. Also? Because I don’t have anything else planned for this post.

Happy weekend!

Reflection Time

First of all, HAPPY MOTHER’S DAY to my mama. She’s the best.

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On Friday, I realized it had been five years since I graduated college. This made me reflective and several pages in my journal is a testament to that. The truth is, the years don’t really matter, except that we can no longer count life in “school years.” I am no longer a super-senior of real life. I just am. And yet, I still have nightmares where I’m lost in high school and can’t find my classes, so what does that signify?

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When the picture above was taken, I felt like I was on top of the world. I had just lost a ton of weight, I was graduating with honors, and even though I didn’t know what I wanted to do in life, I had a temporary summer job, and I figured I would figure it out. Five years later and I’ve held five different jobs, all for the better, lending to well-rounded life experiences and honing professional skills, and I keep telling myself that it’s important to figure out what you don’t want to do, as much as what you do want.

Life is not perfect or easy, but I have been blessed. There have been struggles and losses and hardships, but I’m choosing right now to focus on the good. Those top three, since graduating, include becoming a published writer, getting my personal training certification, and moving to LA- if only because I had been talking about it for five years, so it was move or shut up.

*My parents would probably like me to insert my Master’s degree into this list and while yes, this is an accomplishment, I have (un)gracefully retired from teaching and will never use the degree in the traditional sense. Call it an invisible fourth choice if you must.

I should also note that this blog is also five years old and I’ve been trying for five years to find a direction for it, but it’s been chaotic. Such is life.

Looking back at pictures of my friends, I found this gem.

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This was taken six years ago right before I started my weight loss journey. This girl is me, and yet, I do not recognize her. Perhaps it’s because I didn’t particularly enjoy looking in the mirror at this time. But, a few months after this was snapped, I did look at myself in the mirror, long and hard, and I discovered that I was worth more than I realized. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it a million times. My relationship to myself did not better after I lost weight. I chose myself and saved myself because I liked myself, and it helped me find the strength to exercise, eat right, and be kinder to my body, mind, and soul.

It’s funny that I struck this particular pose because in just a few months, I would be employing that strength, both physically and mentally, and completely uprooting my life for the better.

This blurb was longer than I expected when I first started typing, but the only other matter of the weekend I’d like to discuss is that I saw Billy Joel at Dodger Stadium and it was awesome. I love him and I’m not sorry for it.

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Also, Dodger Stadium looks strange without that large looming wall in left field. Just sayin..

Some Thoughts

Sometimes I feel like I have so much to say and don’t know how to say it. Other times, I have nothing to say and I still don’t know how to say it. I have not been a good blogger of late, but my fingers are itching to type and my mind is itching to expel some sort of nonsense into meaning.

It’s officially summertime. Warm, humid, buggy. The sun is shining. The air is fresh. There is so much to look forward to and so much that frightens me, but it’s all exciting in its own right. In time, maybe that last statement will make sense.

On my run today, my legs were aching. I’ve felt a little uninspired by my workouts lately, which I fixed with an updated exercise plan that I’m excited to use, but today it was soreness plain and simple. It was hot, but not in an uncomfortable way and things started out well enough. I knew it was going to be a struggle when my legs were shot running downhill. I allowed myself to walk when I needed and to run when I could. I completed five miles overall, probably 70-30 running-walking and I felt my strongest near the end. Had the pain been unbearable or damaging, I would have stopped, but I think it was more that I needed to stretch out my legs. I started my workout with some Yoga and core action and the first day of my squat challenge, which shouldn’t have left me so sore.

When I got home, I fixed myself a salad with leftover chicken and the rest of the macaroni and cheese on the side, while I played another episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer. I am seriously obsessed. It got to the point where I needed a shower desperately and once I finished, I planned to hole myself up in my air conditioned room to do some writing, particularly a special speech I will be making very soon. Too soon for comfort. This speech happens to be the one I’ll be making at my sister and her fiancee’s wedding and because it is one of the most important things I’ll write/say, it’s proving to be difficult. When you try too hard to be poignant and poetic, it’s turns out cliche and crappy.

I’m working on it.

I’ve been feeling a bit nostalgic of late in a lot of ways. Before I opened up this document, I found a binder of all of these pictures my former kindergarten students made for me and it made me miss them and sad that they are no longer a prevalent part of my life, nor am I in their’s. I mean, they are going to be third graders, which just seems impossible. Next to it, I found a binder full of old papers and stories I wrote in college and my senior year of high school. I don’t miss high school so much and as much as I loved college, I was definitely ready to be done when I graduated, but it’s that realization that those times existed and you can never return to them. Everything is always romanticized once it’s in the past, but there has to be some merit to that feeling.

I know I need to make more of an effort to blog. Despite my best efforts, I am a creature of habit, and I feel like these past few weeks have been passing in a bit of a fog. I’m not so much in a funk as I’m feeling overwhelmed and things like blogging fall to the wayside. I also have felt uninspired by posting just what I’ve been eating and what exercises I’ve been doing and so I stopped. We live in a world where it’s too easy to share your opinion, but difficult to find the best words to express it.

I guess the best way to describe my mantra of these next few weeks/months/lifetime, is not to forget that while you’re living your life, appreciate the things that are currently happening. I find myself clinging onto the past and thinking about the future. I don’t want to be blurred.

Tomorrow is a new day, but I still have today to claim. <Poetic and poignant or cliche and crappy?>