Just Call Me Kitten

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Growing up, my mother claimed I had selective hearing. I heard what I wanted and had the convenient skill to miss what I didn’t want to hear. It’s a talent. Though true, even today, the unfortunate circumstance of my youth was that I suffered from hearing issues from birth. My nurse mother explains that I struggled learning how to speak because I was hearing as though under water. My occasional mumbling might stem from that or that I have a lot to say and fear I might die before I get it all out. You never know.

There was a continuous string of “tube” surgeries that I underwent as a child and the only reason I allowed this was because one, my mother made me and two, my surgeon promised me a hallucination-like story of my favorite princess tale. I was always devastated when I could not remember this fantastical version of The Little Mermaid post-surgery- maybe the reason I kept going back. Or because Q-tips are evil, but feel so good. Is that wrong? I found out a few years ago that these so-called stories were lies from my mother, the nurse, who laughed at my ignorance.

Assisting my hearing struggles is my overactive imagination. I often talk to myself, whether living in the glamorous world my brain has concocted where I’m rich, famous, married to Chris Evans (The Winter Soldier was fabulous OMG), but humble. (We’ve discussed this before). Or else, I’m developing stories, dialogue that plays out behind my eyes in perfect sequence, but somehow struggles to come to light when I’m attempting to put it down onto paper the digital sphere. My mind moves far too fast for actual pen to paper, but I often journal in cursive because it’s my favorite art form.

Some of my best stories come to life while I’m showering, running, or my favorite exercise in the world- swimming. When my body is floating and gliding- hopefully without any obstacles in the form of lane mates- and I can’t be tied down by a phone in my hand or even music that sometimes stumps my creative flow. I’ve found time and time again during my constant quest to meditate that I am not one who benefits from sitting still. My relaxation comes best in the form of exercise, when the blood pumps high to the brain and boosts my spirit, and when my body isn’t itching to move. 

Don’t get me wrong, I can veg on the couch like the best of them, but this includes watching TV, browsing online, or reading a book. Maybe it’s a problem that I can’t just sit still for the hell of it, but I’ve made it work for me. My incessant overzealous dialogue with myself, detailed new world with a host of characters, or motivation to keep on going going going has kept me on my toes.

Despite understanding this, I still surprised myself today. Due to a busted hip, I was struggling to run through a bit of pain and limping up a hilly part of my route, thinking I needed to give up. I thought, “Nothing good in life is easy, kitten, keep on going.” I don’t know where or why the “kitten” thing came to light, but I laughed so hard I didn’t realize I made it up the hill without another negative thought.

When life throws one at you, don’t question it. Just appreciate that there can still be some silliness in a world that often seems out to get everyone.

Gimme Gimme More

Isn’t Britney so witty? She always has a song or lyric to describe life.

I’ve decided I want to do a bit more around here. And when I say a bit more, I mean a lot more. Not to throw me in your face or anything, but if I want to be a legitimate blogger, I need to actually blog.

Thus, I have decided to have weekly segments pop up here and there for your enjoyment. This means potentially discussing what I like to eat or do for workouts, reviews of products/movies/tv/clothes/books I enjoy, and from time to time some short stories/poems/random pieces I write.

No fear though because I will still tell you the crazy things that happen to me. Hmm, for an example, like the time I was running by myself at night, tripped AND ACTUALLY CAUGHT MYSELF but slightly twisted my ankle, so I walked the rest of the way. And then I walked right into a raccoon. The little bastard stared me down, I mean, he would not back down and I thought I saw him flex a paw at me and he looked like he might start running towards me and I was slightly injured so I was vulnerable and decided it was in my best interest to hobble as fast as I could away from there.

Lesson to be learned: I am no longer running by myself at night. Which, if I had listened to my sister in the first place, I suppose I shouldn’t have been doing that anyways. But, I blame her because she texted me I shouldn’t do it like two minutes before I fell. She basically willed bad karma on me. SHAME ON YOU LAUREN! *JK, please don’t will anything else on me, I love you. I think her and the raccoon are in cahoots….

INSERT RANDOM PICTURE OF BANDIT TO MAKE TRANSITION LESS AWKWARD.

Meow. I’m so cute, but I will eat you. Meow.

He’s pretty friggin adorable, but I think that makes him even scarier.

I just finished the first two books of the All Souls trilogy by Deborah Harkness, A Discovery of Witches and Shadow of Night. They were pretty good. I read them mostly because they were based in Oxford and I had just re-read Harry Potter (don’t judge me, asshole) and I was riding a supernatural high. But the third one hasn’t even been announced yet and by the time it comes out, I’ll probably have forgotten everything that’s happened, so that’s great… If you’re looking for a new trilogy that’s fun, British, and has good characters, then I suggest to go for it.

Lauren suggested that I link you all to a few websites that I read, and if you read through that raccoon story above, then you know that we should all probably listen to her from now on.

Anyways, here are a few of my daily sites and blogs:

The website that made me interested in blogging: http://thebloggess.com/
*I also highly recommend her book “Let’s Pretend This Never Happened.”

Good recipes, workouts, and voice: http://www.pbfingers.com/
And some health websites I enjoy:
http://www.fitsugar.com/
http://www.self.com/
http://www.shape.com/

If anyone has any suggestions for me, I am always looking, so thanks in advance. If not, shame on you. Lauren said to do it, so watch out for rabid raccoons!

Also, if anyone has any suggestions for topics or anything else they’d like to see around here, please don’t hesitate to throw it out there either on here or Facebook or Twitter. Again, please comment or give me feedback! Sometimes, I feel like I’m talking to myself and I already do enough of that otherwise!

Follow me on Twitter @Lady_Brightly or on Pinterest @ladyxbrightly.

Thanks!!!!!!!

I Never Actually Had A Cabbage Patch Doll

This week, oddly enough, I have been distracted from posting any blog updates because I have been in search of finding something to do. Let me explain…I have known for awhile now that I really need a hobby that does not simply pertain to writing (what I want to do with my life) and exercise (because dear Lord that gets tiring).

These past few months I have felt bland and dreary. There has been a haze following me that I haven’t quite been able to pull myself out of yet, and I feel like I am at a stalemate in my life. Of course, I have a general, though never fully planned (because that’s no fun) idea of what I want to do with the rest of my life, but I am currently in a state of transition where I must wait.

I am not a waiter. I am a planner and I like to do what it is I want to do. If you know me, you can see my problem. My dreams have to wait because I cannot fund them quite yet, but I can keep working at it and writing. Trouble is, my mind has become so befuddled, I have been struggling with a severe case of writer’s block! I get an idea in my mind that feels brilliant and I get all excited and write non-stop for anywhere between a half hour and an hour and then I don’t think it’s good enough to go back to. It’s frustrating and I’ve been miserable about it, but I know what I need to do now.

I need to do something. Anything, whatever it is I want to do or will enjoy doing, I need to just do it. For FUN. Wait what???

With writing, there is the obvious pressure of one day making money and having a career from it. My future and life depends on it. With exercise and my health, I think it goes unsaid that to lead a good life, one needs balance and health for life with lifelong habits. I have begun to achieve this, but only on one side– the physical.

My poor, depressed emotional side has been left behind and I’ve been neglecting the fun and relaxed state of mind. Well, hello, I am here to claim you again, mind! And I want to write about this because in some ways it adds a bit of pressure, but in a really really positive way, to not be lazy and actually do it. If I tell you, you can hold me accountable.

Here are my goals. Sorry I’m planning again, just bare with me:

• Pet my cat more. We used to have a really good meow, meow rapport, but the heat wave has been getting to both me and Bandit a bit and he just wants to stretch out on the fluffy pink pillow I laid out for him and I just walk around my house in dejected disarray.

• Finger paint. I know this is odd, but I’ve always had a secret passion for it. I suck at it, but I think that’s what makes it even better. Do you think I’m too old to have my mom pin it up above her desk? At least on the fridge? My own room?

• Knit. If someone out there knows how to knit, I would very much like to learn from you on the condition you are nice about it, patient, and don’t stab me with the knitting needles when I try to start over five times because the holes aren’t perfectly symmetrical. But this might be more of a winter activity. And this would mean cheaper Christmas gifts, holler!

• Improve my Spanish. And when I say improve, I mean over the eight years I have been learning it, I barely know how to say “my name is Caitlin,” which ironically enough, I don’t remember at the moment. Insert awkward transition here….

• Walk more. I don’t mean for exercise, though it wouldn’t hurt me, but just walk for walking’s sake. Everywhere, anywhere, slow, fast, with music, without, with the dog, without. Just to clear my mind and enjoy nature without trying to rush around looking like a cabbage patch doll on crack. I don’t know where that analogy came from, but it’s awesome.

• Frequent pedicures. When I say frequent, I mean as much as I can afford, probably once a month or every six weeks or so. Because you know what? I need to pull a Tom and Donna (cookies if you get the Parks and Rec reference!!) and TREAT MYSELF! I mean, my poor toes are tingling because they get so beat up all the time what with all the running and walking and just being attached in some ways, not directly, though I suppose I can’t say with definitive surety because I’m no anatomy expert, to my head. Long story short, my phalanges are tired and need care too!

I also joined a coed softball team where I know not one person and could be stuck with a bunch of forty year olds, but I don’t care because it’s just for fun and worse case, I’ll have some helluva experiences I can write about!! And I don’t need to have a crap ton of hobbies as long as I find the one or two or a hundred that I really enjoy and will keep me going and happy and busy.

My emotional side needs some love too and I’ve finally realized just what it is I need to do to get balanced. So if you see me walk into something or look a little crazyball-eyed, don’t panic. Just ask for one of my finger paintings because odds are, once I get going, a black market will arise of people trying to get rid of them, and I will be appreciative.

Bandit and pink fluffy pillow:

How Do You Say…?

I have the unfortunate tendency to pronounce words wrong. I mean, I’m an English major and I’m good at it. When I was in fifth grade, I was the ultimate winner of Cow Dictionary. I think there were only five times or less that someone else won. The first round we ever played was a practice round and I was eliminated first and it was humiliating so I vowed never to do that again. Though one word does evade me always, kindergarten or kindergarden. “D” or “T”? I still don’t know.

Let me just say, I am a champion speller and that just proves it, except for the very last thing I mentioned. But I cannot pronounce words correctly for the life of me.

Example One: My mom was driving with my sister sitting up front and me in the back. I was browsing through a magazine and came upon a word I didn’t know the definition.

Me: Mom, what does libido mean? *pronounced li-bid-do.

Mom: Excuse me?

Lauren: Oh my God.

Me: Li-bid-do

Mom pulls over while her and my sister are choking on their laughter.

Mom: It’s li-bee-do and it means sex drive.

Lauren: You’re dumb.

Example Two: This happens all of the time so there’s no general timeframe, but I cannot pronounce the word “compromise.” I call it com-promise as in “com” and the word “promise.” I don’t know why the word isn’t just like that because it makes much more sense, but apparently whoever came up with compromise, couldn’t compromise and wanted a fancy pronunciation.

Example Three:

Me: WHOA! *wow-a*

My friend Bobby: What?

Me: WOW-A!

Bobby: It’s just whoa. There’s no “a.”

Me: There’s an “a” in the spelling.

Bobby: Just don’t talk.

Example Four: At a funeral.

Me: Mom is putting on her nurse facade. *hard “c”

Lauren: A what?

Me: A facade.

Lauren: It’s facade. *soft “c”.

Me: My whole life has been altered.

Not great.

That’s Katja creeping in the background. Where she belongs!! Just kidding Katja!

Also, I should be famous. I would be the best famous person. Not only do I have astronomical talents, but I have a slightly diva attitude that would work well in that industry. Plus, my personality is definitely larger than life that feels contained sometimes just living this life of a college student. People just don’t understand me. When I say I’m going to be famous they just look at me and walk away.

Angst. Angst. Like that Potter Puppet Pals. See, I’m perfect for theatre!

This is Bandit. He is smarter than me.

My Dog Yawns When He Feels Awkward

What an awesome way to introduce myself. It’s attention-grabbing and it’s a true story. When my dog- Mac- thinks we’re laughing at something he does or knows we’re talking about him, he doesn’t know how to react so he just yawns. This is a genius strategy because I often find myself in awkward predicaments where I don’t know what to say or do, so now I just yawn. Imagine me yawning right now.

One of my biggest pet peeves are people who talk a lot about what they want to do, but then they never do anything productive or proactive to get there. Of course, I’ve been hypocritical and guilty of doing just that in putting off starting this blog. As a writer in this time, it’s clear that I need to write a blog, so even if only one person ever reads this, then I guess I will have succeeded in some way…?

In less than two months, I’ll be graduating from college, a terrifying thing because I don’t have a job or a clue about what I want to do right after graduation. My ultimate goal is to move to LA and write for television, but as I am just finishing up school, I need to figure out a few things before I get there. One could argue that this is me being hypocritical again, but I’m not procrastinating so much as preparing. If we’re getting technical, that means I’m a logical, practical, and intelligent human being.

Truth be told, I would like to be a princess, but it seems I was born in the wrong era and the wrong country. That doesn’t mean that I can’t wear a tiara whenever I want though, despite people suggesting that I am too old for such a childish act. For instance, I like to be honored (especially for actual achievements) so for my graduation party, I want a tiara as a present. I don’t mean an expensive one, just not the fake plastic kind. And I will wear it at the party, not the actual graduation, and in future moments of excellence. People seem to find this idea ridiculous but I don’t understand any of their invalid arguments. If I want to wear a tiara, I can wear a tiara. End. Of. Story.

I also happen to be slightly overdramatic and start many stories with “Oh my God I almost just died…” when there was probably not a real threat of death. Usually this includes me falling over, tripping, or running across the street and having the cars stare at me in a threatening, ominous way. My anxiety makes me overanalyze a lot of things and my friends tend to make things worse (especially my roommate) by giving me shit for it, but it does usually turn out to be funny in the end. Laughing at the moment does not help though, assholes!

Television, movies, books, and baseball are my passions. I will write a lot about my favorite things, mainly a lot of TV shows, Star Wars, Harry Potter, and the Red Sox. Fair warning so now you can’t complain if I talk a lot about them in the future.

Also, I’ve recently lost 82 pounds (and counting). This is great and all and I really do feel better and blah blah, but no one warned me how awkward it is trying to get accustomed to a new body. Like really, I look in the mirror and some days I’m like “damn, I’m good” and other days I feel like nothing has changed at all. I know this is a psychological issue everyone faces every single day, but I guess I’ve always been under the presumption that if you weren’t overweight then you didn’t face these issues. Very ignorant of me, yes I admit to it now. But I also used to believe, albeit never seriously, that I’d wake up one morning in tip-top shape, meet my prince charming, and be really really famous without ever having to do anything. Denial is one hell of a sucker punch. Having done it now, I think that my pet peeve is relevant and acceptable for me to take on as my pet peeve!

Hard work really does pay off though, so I’d like to share some tidbits of my ongoing challenge as we progress. Nothing fancy here, I’ll warn you. Just a lot of working hard, eating right, but being very balanced about it all. For one thing, I love chocolate and if someone ever tries to take it away from me, I am likely to bite their hand off. And another, I don’t believe in depriving oneself. If you want something, have it, but do it in moderation. It works! I promise!

I mentioned my dog, but I also have a really cute cat named Bandit who is kind of like my pride and joy, but he only tolerates my existence. My parents are completely normal and so are my two siblings. I can only blame my “un-normalness” on the fact that I am the middle child and am constantly demanding attention. When I told her I wanted to start a blog, my older sister told me that it was an excellent idea because I have a very funny way of looking at the world. Earlier, I accepted this as a compliment, but looking back as I type this out I’m wondering if she didn’t mean funny as in kind of humorous but also strange. I’m choosing not to be insulted.

For now, I think this is good enough. Everything on here will be a random assortment of my ramblings and confessions, but I find them funny so maybe you will too.

Welcome to these glimpses of my life!