I Saw 50 Shades So You Don’t Have To

I never got through the first few pages of 50 Shades because I couldn’t bring myself to care. As a pop culture enthusiast, I like to stay abreast of everything, which was my motivation to read the series in the first place. I never had any intention on seeing the movie, but yesterday my friend Molly said she had two free tickets to the movie and did I want to see 50 Shades for a good laugh?

I can’t pass up free movie tickets. Movies are expensive, ya’ll.

Plus, I thought this would be a good way to see what the hype was about and not have to contribute personally to the fortune the movie is about to make. I’m aware of pulling at strings, but I think it’s important that you know I saw this movie ironically.

When we walked up to cash in on our free tickets, Molly and I bickered over who had to say what we wanted to see. I offered the “We have free tickets” preemptor, but she had to say what movie, since this was her fault. It didn’t help that the guy taking the tickets to get into the theater was very old, reminding me of a grandfather. It was amusing to watch the clientele walk into the theater, particularly all the husbands and boyfriends drawn up in hoodies, not wanting to expose their faces.

I put my feet up- because theaters do that now- drew my coat over me because it was freezing, and almost fell asleep. It was very hard to stay awake through most of the movie, especially because it was the 10:00 PM showing and I wake up at a brisk 5:00 AM. To be fair, the movie’s initial slowness has to do with it being the first in a series and needing to introduce the characters. The only action in the film was actual action, which bordered on funny, to uncomfortable, to deplorable.

Jamie Dornan is an extremely attractive man who I adore from his turn as The Huntsman in Once Upon A Time. It’s no coincidence that once he left that show, I stopped watching. In this film, I did not find him attractive. He was a predator, manipulative and aggressive, the epitome to me of what romance is not.

I get that some people like this movie/book/sort of thing and I really don’t care except when the lines of consent are blurred. I read an article where someone suggested that had the roles in this movie been reversed, with the woman as the predator and the man as the unsuspecting prey, it would be considered a horror film. Think about this.

The message I got from the movie was no matter how cautious and wary a woman might be about something, press her hard enough, not only will she do it, but she’ll like it. We have a problem in this culture in acknowledging rape and consent for what they are. This type of movie, with the meaning it exudes, only hurts this issue.

Molly went into the movie not knowing much about anything of the contents within, but she left feeling disgusted and manipulated, wondering how someone could view this abuse as erotic and intriguing, especially when much of it was not entirely consensual. The 50 shades that are blurred? Is CONSENT.

He is not only controlling in sexual ways, but in every facet of her life. And he expects her to like it, which she does to some extent, but fights against in others.

In the end-SPOILER- the main female character leaves after being utterly humiliated and abused, but knowing it is one of three was not the only thing leaving me with the feeling that this wasn’t over. When this sort of thing is turned into a romance and treated as though it is a normal relationship, I have a problem with it.

To each their own.

On another note, let’s recap my meals and workouts from yesterday. I started with a small bowl of oatmeal and a handful of blueberries. It was warm and filling, but I prefer my homemade oats to this pre-packaged stuff. It’s quick and convenient, but I’m not sure it’s worth the fake crap.

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My workout was strength heavy. Using the barbells, I performed each move in reps of 10-10-8-8-6-6, my new favorite way of lifting. I’m able to include long sets and short sets, increasing the weight as I go. It’s been an excellent way to improve my fitness and keep my body guessing. To top things off, I did 6 minutes on the bike, 4 of which were used for Tabata intervals.

To re-fuel, I dug into this crunchy chocolate peanut butter toast and juicy pineapple and strawberries. The creaminess of the melted peanut butter made my tummy happy.

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Lunch was ordered out. My choice was a coconut curry-based broth with chicken, noodles, and tons of veggies thrown inside. On a freezing cold day, the soup hit the spot and was very filling. Too filling almost.

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I made it back to that same Mexican place I had mentioned a few days ago because I was hankering for my favorite salad I get out at restaurants. It’s very difficult to impress me with salads because the ones I make are fabulous. The blackened salmon, peppers, black beans, corn, baby spinach, and lime dressing are impeccable. I was able to hold myself back from stuffing my face with even more tortilla chips, but they are so good and warm here!!

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After a few minutes browsing Barnes and Noble for the latest reads to get from the library- SORRY- we headed over to get ice cream. Yes, we were complaining about how cold it was and how hard it is to walk on the snowy, icy ground, and we still got ice cream. My love of ice cream cannot be stopped. Especially when homemade cookies ‘n cream ice cream, with huge chunks of Oreo, is involved.

And then the movie. Mostly it’s offensive to me because it’s viewed as pure entertainment and not as a satire, which then might impress me. How DARE you mention Jane Austen, Christian Grey. Don’t you DARE.