Princesses Reunite

I’ve not blogged on this Royal Baby yet, mostly because I’ve been lazy, but also because I’m devastated. Don’t get me wrong, Baby George is as cute as his name is hilarious. But as a fellow princess at heart, a part of me is sad that there won’t be any Princess Caitlins taking the throne. Or at the very least Princess Georgia. Or Princess Beyonce, which would be much more fitting.

 Or if there has to be a George, let there also be a Fred. This is England after all.

 The worst part is that we all know Charles and William will never be able to live up to the wonder that is Queen Elizabeth. She is a bad ass. I mean, she can tell you exactly how she’s feeling and what she thinks of you in one look. I’ve tried to do that, but most times it looks like I’m constipated.I can’t even raise an eyebrow. Trust me, I’ve tried. And for the record, my lack of talent is not only because you can barely see my eyebrows. And Queen Bethie is just so short and cute that you kind of just want to pick her up and put her in your pocket. My friend Katja bought me this life-size statuette of her waving when the sun hits her. It’s my pride and joy.

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 I would stick her in my garden only I’ve just thought of this and also I don’t want her to get dirty. Or for the turkey to get her. Though as long as I was able to see this and capture a photo, I think it would be too funny an image to be mad.I also love that she is wearing the yellow jumpsuit that people said made her look like Big Bird because Big Bird wishes he was that cool and/or British. I know I sure do!

 You know she was holding out for that baby being a girl too. She doesn’t want Charles and now William is balding, so she thought her best bet would be this little baby girl princess, but that planned failed.

 My only wish is that, if Queen Elizabeth ever does die, that the death would coincide with the birth of my future daughter, so that she reincarnates as my baby. I’d dress her up in all pink and fluff and she’d glare at me in the way she does best and we’d wear matching tiaras and take selfies all day with #princessandmommytime.

 It might not be a big dream, or even a realistic dream, but it is my dream. And I own it.

 P.S. I may or may not have broken my middle finger after dropping a 60lb weight on it, depending on if you feel sympathy or find it hilarious.

I Guess I’m A Gardener Now

 

 

 

 

Trust, no one is more surprised than I am that this whole gardening thing is seeing some success. I have already dug into the fresh and delicious kale. Cucumbers are growing like crazy and one is a day away from being in my stomach. Tomatoes are popping up all of a sudden. The only plants not growing enthusiastically are my red pepper plants, which is a blow, but I see little seedlings….

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Isn’t it beautiful? Gotta love the owls. I want a pet owl so BAD, but I hear they’re kind of assholes. Mine would bring me my mail, obviously.

To give you a nice mental image of my dedication and devotion to this little garden that could: The other day I had to chase away a frightening looking turkey with a hockey stick in my pajamas. He was getting a little too close for comfort. I’d have gotten that cucumber in the end anyways because what comes around goes around come Thanksgiving!! Gobble gobble that.

 Yesterday was a little traumatizing. My friend Molly and I decided to go hiking very innocently at a nice little (?) woods in a town over. We were doing great, hit about five miles and 780 calories burned, thinking we’re at the end and back to the car. Then I suggest, hey, let’s get 20 calories more so we can reach 800…..

11 miles and 1,440+ calories later we finally made it back to the car.

NOT ON PURPOSE.

We got so lost and were nowhere near the end. We also walked in a circle at least twice and had no idea that we did so. Two people were nice enough to try and help us but failed. Or more likely, we failed them. Finally some woman just suggested we walk out to the street and follow the roads, which we did.

I’ve never been so happy to sit before. It was getting dark too, so it was terrifying. I think that the positive of this is that we would definitely win the Hunger Games, but only because we’d get so lost, no one would be able to find us.

Key lesson for wannabe hikers: Go somewhere where there’s good signage and with someone who maybe knows their way around the woods. 

Much respect to the first people who navigated this, or any country/land/whatever you wanna call it, they walked the crap out of it.