This week, oddly enough, I have been distracted from posting any blog updates because I have been in search of finding something to do. Let me explain…I have known for awhile now that I really need a hobby that does not simply pertain to writing (what I want to do with my life) and exercise (because dear Lord that gets tiring).
These past few months I have felt bland and dreary. There has been a haze following me that I haven’t quite been able to pull myself out of yet, and I feel like I am at a stalemate in my life. Of course, I have a general, though never fully planned (because that’s no fun) idea of what I want to do with the rest of my life, but I am currently in a state of transition where I must wait.
I am not a waiter. I am a planner and I like to do what it is I want to do. If you know me, you can see my problem. My dreams have to wait because I cannot fund them quite yet, but I can keep working at it and writing. Trouble is, my mind has become so befuddled, I have been struggling with a severe case of writer’s block! I get an idea in my mind that feels brilliant and I get all excited and write non-stop for anywhere between a half hour and an hour and then I don’t think it’s good enough to go back to. It’s frustrating and I’ve been miserable about it, but I know what I need to do now.
I need to do something. Anything, whatever it is I want to do or will enjoy doing, I need to just do it. For FUN. Wait what???
With writing, there is the obvious pressure of one day making money and having a career from it. My future and life depends on it. With exercise and my health, I think it goes unsaid that to lead a good life, one needs balance and health for life with lifelong habits. I have begun to achieve this, but only on one side– the physical.
My poor, depressed emotional side has been left behind and I’ve been neglecting the fun and relaxed state of mind. Well, hello, I am here to claim you again, mind! And I want to write about this because in some ways it adds a bit of pressure, but in a really really positive way, to not be lazy and actually do it. If I tell you, you can hold me accountable.
Here are my goals. Sorry I’m planning again, just bare with me:
• Pet my cat more. We used to have a really good meow, meow rapport, but the heat wave has been getting to both me and Bandit a bit and he just wants to stretch out on the fluffy pink pillow I laid out for him and I just walk around my house in dejected disarray.
• Finger paint. I know this is odd, but I’ve always had a secret passion for it. I suck at it, but I think that’s what makes it even better. Do you think I’m too old to have my mom pin it up above her desk? At least on the fridge? My own room?
• Knit. If someone out there knows how to knit, I would very much like to learn from you on the condition you are nice about it, patient, and don’t stab me with the knitting needles when I try to start over five times because the holes aren’t perfectly symmetrical. But this might be more of a winter activity. And this would mean cheaper Christmas gifts, holler!
• Improve my Spanish. And when I say improve, I mean over the eight years I have been learning it, I barely know how to say “my name is Caitlin,” which ironically enough, I don’t remember at the moment. Insert awkward transition here….
• Walk more. I don’t mean for exercise, though it wouldn’t hurt me, but just walk for walking’s sake. Everywhere, anywhere, slow, fast, with music, without, with the dog, without. Just to clear my mind and enjoy nature without trying to rush around looking like a cabbage patch doll on crack. I don’t know where that analogy came from, but it’s awesome.
• Frequent pedicures. When I say frequent, I mean as much as I can afford, probably once a month or every six weeks or so. Because you know what? I need to pull a Tom and Donna (cookies if you get the Parks and Rec reference!!) and TREAT MYSELF! I mean, my poor toes are tingling because they get so beat up all the time what with all the running and walking and just being attached in some ways, not directly, though I suppose I can’t say with definitive surety because I’m no anatomy expert, to my head. Long story short, my phalanges are tired and need care too!
I also joined a coed softball team where I know not one person and could be stuck with a bunch of forty year olds, but I don’t care because it’s just for fun and worse case, I’ll have some helluva experiences I can write about!! And I don’t need to have a crap ton of hobbies as long as I find the one or two or a hundred that I really enjoy and will keep me going and happy and busy.
My emotional side needs some love too and I’ve finally realized just what it is I need to do to get balanced. So if you see me walk into something or look a little crazyball-eyed, don’t panic. Just ask for one of my finger paintings because odds are, once I get going, a black market will arise of people trying to get rid of them, and I will be appreciative.